The Modern Dowery

I have little sewing experience.  I've sewn crooked hems into curtains and a few pants.  But I'm undertaking something that probably makes me crazy, an indication of my usual inclination to the beginnings of impossible, huge, projects.

I'm going to sew my own wedding dress.

I bought a pattern online and it arrived in my mailbox on Dec. 31, 2009.  I have Brother sewing machine, and my precious grandma bought me a serger for Christmas.

It's a simple dress, and it's based on a Claire Pettibone dress for which I have developed a moderate preoccupation (well, obsession).  Since I could never afford a Claire Pettibone dress, I decided to tap into my inner-child, the little girl drawing dress designs in church.

 
We may bring to marriage only what we have created or collected for ourselves up until the moment the foot approaches the aisle.  For me, it's a nice collection of memories, way too many books, and idealizations of the life yet to come.  And hopefully, it will be a handmade wedding dress.

I've imagined that walk down the aisle, the grass beneath my foot, the faces of people standing to the left and right.  I see him standing there, waiting at the end, and with all of the emotions that could consume, I know seeing his face will mean the calmness and peace he has always brought me.  I know, in that moment, I won't be afraid.  Like life, it's always one foot in front of the other.

A good friend of mine told me that we must embrace change.  She said that means reflecting on the time that I've spent single (all my life!).  Reflecting means celebrating, and sometimes grieving, all that is gained or lost. 

Maybe making a wedding dress is a very utilitarian thing to do.  But, I'm seeing it as a journey.  I'm seeing it as an extension of the preparation for marriage that I need.  This preparation will come in waves of journal writing, hikes up mountains, afternoons in coffeeshops and bookstores, but hopefully, in the hum of a sewing machine in my small kitchen.